The Sara Groves Christmas concert was a powerful night for us, where God broke into our questioning in mighty ways and worked His beautiful "YES!" to our hearts.
The night was a time we had planned months in advance to get away together and celebrate some landmark events in our lives: my 40th birthday and our 15th anniversary.
Then December came and with it some very turbulent and frightening times as our sweet son, Luke, began having seizures. In early December we gave up the idea of a night out together knowing we (thought) would need to be home with him. The Lord was mighty on Luke and our behalf and within a two week timeframe orchestrated a diagnosis and medication for him. Those two weeks felt like six months, and I felt 90 years old. And we were carried. By the Lord.
"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders"
- Deut. 33:12
And somehow, in the way only God can do, our fervent questions about Luke, and about Jiang Yu Xiao and God's role for her in our lives, were answered. In ways bigger and better than all we could have asked for or imagined. That is for now and for what is to come. For all of us.
So we went to that concert (with nervy stomachs and slightly freaked out hearts to leave Lukey at home with a sitter- and we went under the drs. orders).
That night on the way to the concert, as we awaited the Lord's answer for YuXiao and us, we decided to give that night to God and give Him permission and authority to give us His "final answer"- the yes or no to the fleece we'd laid before him (Judges 6, Gideon's fleece). And might I add here, only the Lord! That night we laughed at ourselves and the ways God works, and wept at God's heart for His children and the ones hurting and lost, waiting and desperate for Him.
THE ENTIRE CONCERT (for us at least) was about the orphan. A Christmas concert. And when Sara talked about a village in Africa where they met a woman who had 4 children of her own and adopted a fifth into their large hearts and meager resources (they draw straws to see who sleeps outside each night because there isn't enough room in the house to fit everyone- the home is the size of one of our bathrooms) - God answered one of our questions.
Sara played this song afterward, which absolutely echoed the verse that God had rolled around in my head for the month of our fleece and our asking. The verse God had me chewing on is Proverbs 24:12 and says, ""Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, KNOWS that we know, and holds us responsible to act."
Here is that song:
Saw What I Saw
By Sara Groves
I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and i can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
something on the road, cut me to the soul
your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love
we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution
something on the road, cut me to the soul
chorus
I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
something on the road, cut me to the soul
chorus 2x
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I am made of
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
and what I know of god
God's faithful yes to our heartfelt fleece. We wanted HIS answer, not ours. We wanted to know we were only answering a "yes" or a "not us" from HIM. Directly. And we knew we'd hear from Him clearly because He promises and tells us that His sheep hear His voice. We hear FROM Him. Directly. And we clung to the assurances of friends who helped us remember Who He is - and that He wouldn't let us miss His answer to this most important of questions from hearts that fully and truly only wanted to glorify and honor and love Him.
God ministered mightily to us that night. And wooed us with His love and answer, His strength and His call. In song, so often, I meet the Lord. And Jim and I met with Him in wonder that night. The night we didn't think would be and the night that God protected and orchestrated in order to...
The other song Sara and Melody sand that was my banner in December. I sing with my heart everytime I hear it for Emma Kate and for us.
Joy Is In Our Hearts
we were pressed on every side
full of fear and troubled thoughts
for good reason we carried heavy hearts
it is good to come together
in our friendship to remember
all the reasons hope is in our hearts
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
now with patience in our suffering
perseverance in our prayers
with good reason this hope is in our hearts
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
oh we saw the face of Angels
many good things well secured
for good reason this joy is in our hearts
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
for good reason joy is in our hearts
I could write on and on about the other ways the Lord led us to Emma. There were direct confirmations from friends we'd asked to pray for us (and they had no idea what they were praying about). There was confirmation through circumstances. There was confirmation through the Word and the Lord. And then there were all the amazingly orchestrated, miraculous happenings that are God's way of saying yes and letting us see Him show up to wow us!
Emma Kate, my sweet daughter, the joy of the Lord is your strength and your song. The Lord has become your salvation. Emma Kate, my sweet one, the joy of the Lord is MY strength and my song. And He has given you to us to rejoice in. You stop my heart and take my breath away. And as you wait, we wait with you. And as we all wait, the Lord works. He is mighty and He is sovereign and He reigns.
Love love love
Your Momma
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