Don't have to do that day again, and other adventures in wooing a gazelle

Jim left for Seattle early, early yesterday morning.  Early enough that he was gone by the time EK and the troop woke up.  Daylight savings made for an early arising all around, and that translates to Emma Kate awake by 6am.  Jim had the translator set with phrases explaining he was gone, he would be back, and he loved her forever.  Beautiful.

All seemed fine, until the school drop offs started.  Oh, mercy.  Dropping Cooper and Jeb off elicited a glower.  But Anna and Luke were still in the car.  Phew.  That's good.  We made it back home, had a second breakfast because we are like hobbits when we arise so early and the cereal of six o'clock just wasn't cutting it.  Waffles for round two.  We were carbo loading for the school day.

Little did I know the marathon I would run yesterday.  Not physical.  Just emotional.  It is probaby good I didn't know.  Sometimes it is just best to meet the day unknowing and simply get on with it and get through it.

Our little EK is like a beautiful gazelle.  Skittish and afraid in some ways right now.  While God made her to run and leap with grace, right now she is a very afraid little girl in some ways.  Many new things that don't necessarily make sense to her and that she can't trust often lead to times of anxiety.  The hardest thing for her is when our family separates to go about daily life.  She gets very anxious, worried and scared.  One day as I was asking the Lord for a way to picture this so I can recognize the importance of this time for Emma, that it is important to navigate through it, not just get past it, the idea of wooing came to my mind.  And that led to the thought of a skittish, afraid gazelle.

So I am wooing a little gazelle.  She doesn't yet know she can trust me.  She doesn't believe I am safe and secure and good at the care and feeding of wild gazelles.  EK is learning that I am her Mom.  A new category when all she's had is caregivers and teachers.  Important and loving caregivers and teachers, and yet a completely different thing.

Wooing.  It takes patience and diligence.  Sometimes it means staying close even while giving space.  Sometimes it means stealthy pursuit and creative moves to draw near.  All the time, it means not taking things personally.  This isn't about me, it is about EK.  And her sweet, dear, beautiful little heart and mind.  We are, together, making new.  She doesn't know it yet, but I do.  And I am so blessed to watch it all unfold each moment and each day.  Even on days like yesterday...

The gazelle and I drop off Luke and Anna at school.  She receives hugs, kisses and "we come back, Emma.  We always come back".  In they go, and off EK and I drive...and she wails.

All.day.

I think it was just too much.  She was thrown completely by Jim being gone.  After a weekend of all of us home, it was terribly sad for her to have her beloved playmates and siblings leave.  And now it is just the two of us.  And she's sad.  Scared.  Mad.  Not in control of a world that has been turned topsy turvy.

By lunchtime I popped three advil and decided it was time for McDonald's.  French fries for balm.  That earned me a respite: a smile, a giggle, a tight-fisted grasp on the cheap plastic megaman toy.  See?  Wooing.  I have a five year-olds lingo down.  This isn't my first safari. :)

If this were a sound track, the music would now cue to something quietly dramatic.  Mulling.  Are you ready?

1:30pm very cursory pediatrician appointment, where basically all we did was height and weight.  No needles, no blood work, not a stitch of clothing was removed.  Sitting on my lap the entire time.

Let's just say it was loud.  continuously loud.

Kudos to Dr. Inman.  He probably took a lollipop break after we left, and nabbed the entire basket they keep out front to soothe the nerves of anxious parents patients after the doctor visit.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig.

Thankfully, Jeb came in the door a half an hour after we got home.  The tables of grief turned to something less traumatized, and once again EK learned that we all come back and she can trust what I say.

The rest of the day was much better.  It was more homework and basketball and other safari activities with this busy crew.  The kids are all being so helpful - to me and to EK.  Once I got the littles settled, with Anna wanting to help EK with tooth brushing and bedtime story reading, Cooper and Jeb kept me entertained for a good hour laughing and just hanging out.  I so needed that.  And it was total ministry.  We rehashed the day, laughed about nothing and their silly stories of life, and I felt my angst leaving.

Day is done, gone the sun.  A hard day, but a day the Lord made and walked us through.
Today we go to the ENT at 10am.  I'm trying really hard to cast a very large number of cares on the Lord and just get on with it.

THIS is the day the Lord has made, also.  And I rejoice that we are here in it.
Off I go to woo.  Courting a little girl is a sweet job.