solace

Tonight, after a long and wearying day in my head, Anna walked into the kitchen where I sat with my few tears talking to Jim.

Truth be told, I cried enough that my eyes were red-rimmed, even if the tears were dry in that moment.

Anna looked at me and asked why I was crying.  And I answered honestly.

I told her I was sad and tired.

She just wrapped her arms around me and held on.

So nurturing and dear, that embrace.

Comfort


Daughter to mother.

I received that hug like a long, cold drink of water to a thirsty, parched throat.

I drank in her tenderness to me, and felt my heart melt right back to her.

This hard-won love.  The long journey of our mother-daughter dance, reminding me of what is because of what was.

And now I find myself again taming a gazelle.  Watching, waiting, patiently wooing.  Persevering.

Today my heart ached for the weariness of it all.  And God kept reminding me to keep on.  To not grow weary of doing right.  To press in and press on.  This is what He called me to.  This most precious of all journeys.

The walk to my daughter's heart.

In Anna's hug came a sustenance not just from her, but from the Lord.  He reminded me this hard way isn't just for Emma, it is for my sanctification, too.  It is my road also.   And he's entrusted a treasure to me, not because I'm not good enough to be her mom so it is so hard, but because it is so hard that He asked me.

It makes me cry to even type those words.  Because enough isn't how I've felt as of late.  I'm playing bad tapes in my head and they are not from the Lord.  They are laments that are not true.  And enough of that is enough of that.

Hard is fine, but spinning hard off into another place about ability and worth as a mother is not.

Her arms ministered love to me for Him.  I long to capture that moment and hold onto the feeling.  Somehow writing it here makes it an official record, doesn't it?

The love of a child.  What a beautiful thing.