apples of gold: fledgling and hope

Growing into family.

Learning to trust love.

Experiencing faithfulness and finding it reliable.

Those are all hallmarks of a child attaching to a parent.

At least those are the markers of how it is meant to be when a child is learning that a parent's love is safe, secure and forever.

In the language of attachment in adoption there are labels that describe children who are having a longer or harder time learning to trust and love their family.  Anxious Attachment is one such label.

When I read a word like anxious, other words flood my mind.  Actually, my stomach does a bit of a jitter bug and tightens quite discernably.  Words like:  frightened, distressed, afraid, apprehensive, uneasy, scared, disquieted come to mind.

And these are apt descriptions of a child learning attachment in some ways.

But...

words have power, don't they?

When my boys were little babies, and they crawled after me all over the house and hated if I was out of sight for even a minute, I didn't call them anxious.  I called them babies.

When I first left the kids in Sunday School or with a new babysitter and they cried long and hard, I didn't think they were not attaching to me.  I knew we were growing and learning in our trust of each other and what it meant for "Mommy (me) always comes back".

Growing, fledgling, unfolding, maturing attachment.  Those are terms I ascribed to my children as they learned the tune and tenor of a Mom's love.

When children arrive home, and it is years after birth, there is time needed to grow and nurture the bonds of love and true, steady trust.  The trust that comes from experiencing.  The love that is borne of a heart that sees again and again what beloved and treasured mean.

What looks anxious, and has undertones of those words, also looks brand new.  Newly forged.  Early in budding.  Blossoms awaiting flowering.  The heart finding a steady beat and knowing it remains.

That is a corner turn in a mother's heart.  A turn of focus.  Instead of seeing the word anxious and watching that expand in a mind, shifting the word to another.  A term of what is also true and right.  A word fitly spoken like an apple of gold. 

Our family has walked "anxious attachment".  We found great help and counsel, and have experienced God's amazing healing and attachment.  We also learned the power of a label, and to take our minds captive to what is true and noble.

My sweet gazelle can be nothing but growing in the grace of God's love for her heart in our family.  She is a sweet fledgling nestling, and giving her the gentleness of my time as well as my words and labels does her great service.  As it does us all.

Fledgling, as defined by the dictionary, means young, new or inexperienced.  

And that is what I think when I need a description for my Emma in our family.  For her understanding of our love and how to trust us.

That word is lovely.  Fledgling.  It is winsome and hopeful.  It fills me, renews me and allows God to move my heart into the proper place.  From fear, worry, longing and hurry, to a quiet, restful place of hope and joy.

What she has lived, we also are privileged to learn.  I have grown the most in the growing of my children.  Walking the road to learn love, the warp and weft of trust, the fabric of faithfulness.

A mother's work is Kingdom business.  There is nothing small about it.  It is not insignificant.  It is a high call and a mighty job.  Nurturing the hearts of the young is nothing but holy.  Holding fledgling life in ones hands and diligently lifting to the Lord is courage and strength personified.

And that does include the list of endless dishes, folded clothes, dusty floors and bandaged knees, runny noses and hurt feelings, taxi services and yet another meal prepared and served.  Those are as much acts of service and love to God as are the "big events" we put value on.  Don't let us lie to ourselves about those being unimportant.

Hands to the plow and hearts to God.  Because He is in the plowing.

So this morning when upon awaking the day felt long already, I reminded myself of what is true.  And what is true is not the list I woke up with, it is the list the Lord gave me instead.

Do not grow weary in doing good.

What lists are you making today?  What words does God need to refine or re-define in your mind?

I'm finding fledgling so much more hopeful than anxious.

Perhaps I am fledgling myself in God's eyes.  Fancy that.  There's room for growth in that word.