Yesterday morning we left to take the bullet train south to Jinjiang, where Emma has lived for the past five and a half years in Jinjiang's Social Welfare Institute. It is an orphanage, and according to our guide and the orphanage officials we met, it is the oldest orphanage in China (not the physical structure, which was built in 2008, but the institution itself).
We were questioning whether or not to go, as Emma had such a hard time after seeing Miss Susie the day before. After much discussion, prayer, consulting of Christine on Skype and mulling, we decided the long-term gains were worth the trip, and perhaps even any immediate pain the Lord would use to Emma's good in terms of understanding and more closure. I don't know if there was truly a right or wrong choice, we just used our best discernment and prayed God's grace over our choice and that He insulate and protect Emma from any harm. Right or wrong, I can't say. The day felt right, though, and Emmacakes did very well. She is incredibly brave and courageous. Perhaps she would have been Joshua or Caleb in the story of the 12 spies. Certainly she has seen giants in the land in her life, and she has chosen to keep walking forward with a strength and endurance and hope that astounds and humbles us. She is beautiful: inside and out.
At breakfast we ended up seeing Miss Susie again. The team for the cleft repair trip is staying here also, and she was there for breakfast. It was a wonderful encounter, and we all felt that it was much less traumatic for Emma Kate this time. Perhaps even more closure? I was able to give her a gift form our family, which I'm so grateful I could do. It is a pendant necklace that our dear friend, Mimi, made for our trip. It is a 1.5 inch wood disc with red Chinese paper inscribed in beautiful calligraphy with the word (in Chinese) "Love". I was wearing mine, so I hope when she opened it she knew it was special to me, too. A very small token of our regard and appreciation and deep gratitude and love for Miss Susie.
At 8:20 we took a cab to the train station, and then a train to Emma's birth city. Our guide explained what was happening, that we would visit her friends and orphanage family and then return to the hotel all together as a family. She seemed calm and indicated that she understood. (Okay, side note here: honestly, can you even believe what this sweet child is processing and going through?). The train took an hour and traveled at 200 miles (or km??) an hour. We were in a private berth and had just a great time together playing, laughing and connecting. It was very relaxing. YuXiao loved it. So did her brothers and her parents!
A van picked us up at the train station and drove us to the orphanage. We recognized it from the main road before it did a loop back on the city streets and we were pointing it out to Emmacakes. She leaped from the van upon our arrival, and led us with obvious joy and glee into the doors, and then she galloped full speed like a little spring colt down the hallway into a green door. We were laughing at her exuberance. Jeb remarked, "I didn't know she could even run!".
We were able to see the rooms she lived in: her sleeping room with the little wooden beds lined up in the middle. They are toddler sized and each has a single fleece blanket. The kids sleep on the wood. I'm sure it would be impossible to keep mattresses clean, and yet it made me so sad to think of her all these years on that hard wood. No pillows. Again, how in the world would they keep them all clean? There is a bathroom/bathing area in the middle and then what seemed to be the classroom, playroom/main room area where the kids spend most of their time, I think? It was just after lunch and right before naptime, so we saw them in a transition time. They were all honestly adorable, and it was just so incredible to finally meet all these adorable faces I've looked at all these months in photos, wondering what they were like. They are Emmacakes classmates and orphanage "siblings" and they are beautiful. It broke my heart that they are still there waiting. Each one of those sweethearts is so deserving of a family and a true home. So able to become a treasured son or daughter.
As i posted earlier, we were able to get incredible video of two of the boys whose files are woefully out of date and are on the shared list right now. They are both incredibly sweet little boys. Walking, climbing, steady on their feet, nimble, agile, able. Completely mobile, not a single hesitation from either of them. I don't know what their special need is, besides the need of being an orphan, but it is totally not discernable to the eye. They were giggly and funny, and also calm and you could see them taking it all in, stepping back a bit and processing what they were seeing and experiencing.
Emma was so excited to be there and see everyone. She was equally happy to see her friends and her nannies. It was so special to be there with her and put context to all these pictures we've seen these past 9 months.
We showed the guide the names of our sponsored children, and were able to meet three of them. That was really special. I wish there wasn't a language barrier as there was so much I wanted to say to them. Beautiful children of the King. Children who matter and belong to the One. Princesses and knights. Sons and Daughters of the Lord of Lords. My heart hurts just typing about them.
From there we went to the rooms where the babies are. I don't think I have words yet to write about it. I prayed out loud over each of the babes. One room housed what seemed to be healthier babies, another babies with more obvious special needs. They all were just laying in their cribs, some sleeping , some rocking themselves or doing repetitive movements to stimulate and calm themselves. I could have fallen down crying. It is so wrong that our world does this to babies. And these little ones are lovingly cared for, we believe. But it is orphanage care. It is so not what they need or deserve. One little boy was having small seizures. I asked the Lord to go to a spare room in heaven and get him a new brain and bring it right then as I laid hands on him. He would make eye contact and then you could see his dear little eyes go sort of blank and his hands would twitch and his body move. It broke my heart. It really did. Knowing what we know about seizures and having experienced them this year as a family with our beloved Luke, I just can't stand it that there isn't more help for this little boy. There was another little boy with albinism. So handsome. A newly delivered and premature baby rested in a crib in the corner. Her little head was just tiny, tiny and so I know she was really early. Oh, the anguish! I can't even write about the rest of them. I just spoke God's truth over them, individually. Jim said he was going around the room doing the same thing. I honestly do not know how long we did that for or what was happening while we did or what the orphanage staff thought...it was time suspended. I know the Lord has called us to intercede for those children. One of the babies just had his paperwork submitted to CCAA. I stared really hard at Jim and he just shook his head with tears in his eyes.
Cooper and Jeb took it all in with wide eyes. We still haven't had a chance to process with them. I know there was much they learned, and much they have to ponder. My prayer is that their hearts become broken with the things that break GOd's heart. And that their hearts rejoice at the things that make His heart rejoice. We saw both yesterday.
We spent come time talking to Emma's teachers and showing them pictures of her family. Everyone just loves that she is the baby in the family . We tell everyone that in the US the baby is the most special. They can't quite fathom that. I love saying it. And I think they liked seeing how we all clearly adore Emma. It is obvious that they love her, too. So many people went out of their way to come greet her and give her their attention and love. She was happy and glowing. It was a very good thing.
When it was time to leave for lunch, Emma had time to say goodbye to the staff, and it felt right. It was hard to know what they were saying, and while Chris translated some of it, there is always the wonder if some things are not translated. It is all okay, though. We know what we know and we know what we saw. We will hold it all in our hearts, and help Emma remember, too. They asked us to please bring her back to visit one day. I surely hope one day we do.
Lunch was its own adventure, and you get the gist of it from the post about worms and lungs, intestine and pickled seaweed. We did also eat WONDERFUL things: our guide ordered an incredible seafood noodle dish that had squid, shrimp and a bevy of other sea creatures that met our approval in it. There was a very spicy chicken dish with peppers and onions that were so delicious I could have eaten them alone for a meal, a beef dish that was in a savory sauce, firm tofu in a really tasty sauce (I can't really recall it right now but Cooper especially loved it), eggplant that I want to recreate at home, two kinds of tea that were different and good! They offered us all beer, and we declined. Although after the worms...just kidding.
From lunch we drove to try and find Emma's finding spot. The finding spot is the place she was left by whoever left her. It was very hard to find, and in a part of town that was a very different China than we have seen before. I will let the pictures tell the story. We tried to take a lot of video of the area. It was good to see the neighborhood. And hard. Sad.
It was then onto the train station. That is a memory I would like to erase and features hours in a train station with a little girl who just had a day that would send most of us to bed for a year. It also featured inquisitive people asking who her Daddy is (I think they thought I was her Mom?), babies going potty behind trash cans in public (I know it is just fine here, and it isn't wrong, it is just very different and unhygenic and slightly disturing to us), clouds of cigarette smoke (Jeb and COoper decided that since being here they have technically tried smoking due to all the second hand smoke they have inhaled and they can authoritatively claim smoking as disgusting!) and a very tired group of westerners who had just taken in a lot and didn't have much margin left for more. End of rope, might have described us all quite well. When the train finally came and I sat down on a seat that was clearly wet with urine, I decided it was either take a VERY DEEP breath through my open mouth (to do so through my nose would have then involved retching) or start screaming. I didn't scream. You can clap now. There is a crown in heaven for me with that event of righteousness inscribed on it. And yes, I will cast it down with glee. Jim put 2 magazines on the seat and did what any good "blue" does for "pink", he took one for the team. I sat in a different seat with damp pants and valiantly tried to repeat over and over the words from the Little Engine that Could. Soon, just not soon enough, we were back in Fuzhou. The people in the seats in front of us were also relieved. They are probably writing blog posts about the annoying Americans whose child kicked their seats the entire time and a really weird woman who kept looking out the train window and crying. Oh, well. Sometimes we just do our best. And as Tony says, "forget the rest". That's a shout out to the Andersons. Remember this for your own adventures. :)
FINALLY we were back "home". We walked through raw sewage in the train tunnel, threw ourselves into 2 separate cabs, because we can't all fit in one. Jeb, COoper and I were in one cab with 50 yuan and my cell phone and a card with our hotels address on it. It was night and I had no idea where we were. DId I already post about this? It involved a lost and angry cab driver who repetitively banged his head on the steering wheel, a silent three passengers except for me who finally prayed out loud in the cab, and Jim's backpack that had his (dead) phone. I couldn't have called him. But I did have a plan. There are army people on every corner. They were going ot help us if we needed them. And I was ready to be a strong, loud blond woman. No one would be able to "not see us". Thank goodness that didn't come to pass and we arrived at our hotel.
All done. :)
We remedied the drama of the day with apple pie a la mode and french fries in our rooms. Long hot showers and two sinks full of clothing washed and wrung out and we were feeling a bit more human. I will say that showers were before the food.
Bedtime came quickly, and we all feel into sleep with much on our minds and in our hearts. Jim dreamed I was hosting a Saturday Night Live show, and Obama was coming to town to play a secret baseball game. Jim had to somehow facilitate his visit as an undercover agent and I was going to interview Obama.
I'm going with WORM DREAMS on that one. Today was a new day. No urine, no raw sewage, no worms or lungs.
Our last sleep in Fuzhou and Fujian. We board a plane tomorrow to Guangzhou where we complete the final steps in our adoption. We had a beautiful family day today, and i will post about that later! Cooper ahd the computer all afternoon working on homework. It's cutting into my writing! :)
Love you all,
Sara
