what to wear

Emily Post lists no etiquette rules for hospital attire.

Waiting in hospital for a loved one in surgery requires some thought and care.  It helps to be prepared.

It is not pleasant to shiver for hours on end while waiting.  It is just as uninviting to sit hungry and unwilling to leave the room for the cafeteria because you don't want to miss the call from the nurse in surgery.  Time can crawl.  V.e.r..y.s.l.o.w.l.y.  Nothing to do?  Oh, boy.  You are in for it.

So, I am here to help.  While no expert, I do declare myself something of a semi-professional at this point.  In a seven month span we've sat through five procedures requiring anesthesia.  Six if one counts today.

We have opinions.  Ideas.  Expertise.

So without further ado, our rendition of "What to Wear: Hospital Styles for Stays".

The subtitle on our little episode is: "Go Dutch or Go Home".

This is hospital management for the prepared.  I don't have a binder on this subject, but I might just make one.   Watch out.

Clothing:

• Hospitals are cold.  It is a requirement.  Keeps the doctors alert and patients anxious to go home to their own warm beds.  You will freeze in shorts, that cute skirt or the adorable dress.  Wear pants.
• Please, for the sake of everyone waiting with you in the waiting room, wear pants that cover your backside.  Seriously.  {Take that one and apply it in other areas of your life, too.}
• Socks are your friend.  Flip flops are not good in the hospital.  Trust me.  I know.  You want your feet covered.  I assure you, I'm quite sure the nurses do, too.  Covered, your little tootsies are not only cozy warm, but they will not have anyone's bodily fluids spilled on them.  See?  Socks and shoes.
• Sleeping over?  Remember an assortment of cheery nurses will be visiting with you through the watches of the night.  It is a nefarious plan to keep you alert and awake in order to monitor the patient you are staying with.  It also makes you yearn for home and hastens your departure.  That said, wear pajamas with which you can visit with nurses, doctors, techs, the janitor staff and residents.  They will come at odd hours.  And you will be feeling foolish speaking with them.
• Disclaimer: I don't even wear workout clothes about town.  Wearing my jammies was truly out of my comfort zone.  Do you see how strong and courageous I have become?  Or at least immune and numbed.  :)
• Slippers.  Tennis shoes don't cut it in the middle of the night to go to the ice machine.  You will feel terrible.  And depressed about it.  It being how awful it feels to put on tennis shoes with pajamas.  Even taking the trash out in that ensemble might throw one off kilter.  Slippers are the way to go.  Pack them.  Pack them now.  You will be so happy you did.  And you can "slip" them on and off very easily for all the middle of the night entertaining you will soon be doing with a variety of medical professionals.  Trust me, pack the slippers.

and onward to

Food:

• Snacks are your friends.  We spent one surgery where we missed breakfast and lunch.  The little bag of nuts accompanying us in my purse only went so far.  And I don't leave the waiting room when my girl is in surgery, so we were hard-put to conjure up nourishment.  I'm sure our growling stomachs were music to everyone's ears.  I wasn't getting grumpy or anything, either.  I'm very charming when I am hungry, just ask Jim.  
• Speaking of snacks, coffee is your friend.  And don't drink it out of the complimentary coffee carafe located in the far corner of the waiting room where it has boiled down to an acidic consistency that makes newsroom coffee look gourmet and church coffee thick and hearty.  Truly, harken your ears to my wisdom.  You shall regret each sip of that wretched brew from said musty corner.  
• Upon waking in the morning, after a lovely night of constantly interrupted sleep, immediately call your husband.  Husband's are really good at bringing yogurt.  It's a blue job.  {Blue for boy, in case you don't know that shorthand.  Learn it.  It's convenient around the house.  As in, "oh, honey, it's blue for you."}

Entertainment:

• Bible.  You need it.  It can be an iphone app, but that isn't as helpfully soothing as paging through Scripture that already has been marked.  This is true.  The pages rustling brings the biggest measure of comfort.  You will want your Bible.  Scripture on a Kindle just doesn't cut it under pressure.
• The waiting room magazines are from twenty years ago.  Newspapers, the same.  You may want to mindlessly flip through a magazine.  I find it doesn't really help pass time though.  I tend to maniacally flip mages in a manner highly unbecoming of one who will soon be entertaining a room full of physicians in her pajamas.  And slippers.   {Save me now.}
• If you are a man, you will want your games on your phone.  They help you pretend you are somewhere else.  And your wife will sit jealous that you are able to do that.  It is a gift.  Live it.  Love it.
• Pacing.  It helps.
• Gum.  Don't chew it on surgery day.  You will chomp.  Like a cow.  It is not entertaining and will not help the time go faster and your jaw will start to clench.  When your jaw clenches you will feel even more tension.  
• Holding hands.  Now this works very well.  Three squeezes means "I love you" and can be conveyed in the ringing silence of the waiting room with excellence.
• Prayer.  Often you will find some kindred spirit praying right alongside you across the room and when you look up your eyes will meet and that spark of recognition is sweet.  Then you pray for them, knowing they are praying for you.  And isn't that beautiful?  God making much of the waiting.
• Music.  Find a hymn or song ahead of time to fix your mind on.  This helps immensely when nerves or fear kick in.  It also helps ignore any weird conversations you really don't want to overhear.   You are in a hospital.  People talk about strange things.  And let's be honest, we as a people can also just be pretty strange.  
• Updating your blog.  Or email list of friends and family.  Very comforting.  Helps you feel and stay connected.  Just remember if you get mad about something that it is not a good time to write anyone about it.  You will regret it.  I tell myself this sometimes.  It works because it is true.  A rant never really does anything but spew words.  Yes, I will be saying this in the hospital to myself.  Although I did write that one post about worms.  And I expanded a bit again here.  But I wasn't in the hospital then so the rules were different.  :)

So there you have it.  My best {short version of} tips for hospital stays and waits.  Take note.  You know this will become a family classic for any future stays or visits you might make to any medical facility here or there.   And I am so happy to trust you will do so properly dressed and adequately well-snacked.

Cheerio!  I'm off to tie my sneakers and pack my pajamas.